There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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