margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
