my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
