Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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