smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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