last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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