he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
