I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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