70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
