There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
