There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
