I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
