it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
