He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There are leaves in my underwear?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
