why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
