oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
