Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
