I hate all girls vehemently.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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