I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
