i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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