so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
