Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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