ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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