Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
