also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
