I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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