My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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