My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
