i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I still have a little drunk in my system
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
