but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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