I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
