How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
