I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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