Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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