Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize