What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
