Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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