she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
