It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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