I wish they made helmets for livers.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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