My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
