Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
