he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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