what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
birth control should be required to get into college
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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