I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone came in the potted fern
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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