I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
