i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
