My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
