ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
