Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize