oh god the rape fog is back!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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