I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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