i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
