My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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