Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
