Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
