Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
