oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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