Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
