First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
