How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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