Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
