my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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