I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
