New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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