i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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