Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
