The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
