After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
