At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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