Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize