Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Acid is not a monday night drug
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
