Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You made out with two different species that night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
