your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
