Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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