I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
