Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
